Battle of the clogs

There’s no escaping it, those clumpy clogs are going to be all over the market stalls high street when the clock strikes 2010. Shall we have a look at who has the scariest fright-clogs for next season?

River Island
These are quite tame. Nice colour, quite an elegant heel (well, elegant for a clog), not too busy. In fact, not that scary at all. 2/10

River Island
Ah, this is a bit more like it. Whorish heels and garish tassels. Fairly scary 4/10

This would be semi-sensible if it wasn’t for the frankly ridiculous net flower. 5/10

Miss Selfridge
Ooh look, a clog/scarf-shoe hybrid. Now the competition’s hotting up… 6/10

Swedish Hasbeens at Urban Outfitters

These are way too sweet to be scary. These are classy clogs, what are they even doing in this contest? 1/10

Louis Vuitton
Another whore-clog. How ugly are these, perfect candidates for Walford Market. Check out that nasty faded denim and chavvy buckle. Terrifying. 7/10

Louis Vuitton
A clog with hair extensions? Shut UP! It’s the Cheryl Cole of clogs! And with a natty stumpy heel too. Now we’re really cranking up the fear factor, Cheryl I dare you to wear these… 8/10

Louis Vuitton
Da-daaaaa! Finally, scoring top marks on the clog-o-meter is this witchy green clog-boot, well worthy of the Wicked Witch of the West. What’s not to hate? It’s a funny length, fashioned out of radioactive green logo-embossed denim, has a bizarre woolly moustache and costs about a million pounds. We have a winner! 10/10

Ok, pass the sick bucket…