Funnest shoes ever


So, now that ‘funnest’ is a proper word, aren’t these the funnest shoes ever? Who needs fright-clogs when you can have candy-stripe Supergas…

Funnest?


Wow, is ‘funnest’ a word now? I like it, it’s so… fun!

Battle of the clogs

There’s no escaping it, those clumpy clogs are going to be all over the market stalls high street when the clock strikes 2010. Shall we have a look at who has the scariest fright-clogs for next season?

River Island
These are quite tame. Nice colour, quite an elegant heel (well, elegant for a clog), not too busy. In fact, not that scary at all. 2/10

River Island
Ah, this is a bit more like it. Whorish heels and garish tassels. Fairly scary 4/10

Chanel
This would be semi-sensible if it wasn’t for the frankly ridiculous net flower. 5/10

Miss Selfridge
Ooh look, a clog/scarf-shoe hybrid. Now the competition’s hotting up… 6/10

Swedish Hasbeens at Urban Outfitters

These are way too sweet to be scary. These are classy clogs, what are they even doing in this contest? 1/10

Louis Vuitton
Another whore-clog. How ugly are these, perfect candidates for Walford Market. Check out that nasty faded denim and chavvy buckle. Terrifying. 7/10

Louis Vuitton
A clog with hair extensions? Shut UP! It’s the Cheryl Cole of clogs! And with a natty stumpy heel too. Now we’re really cranking up the fear factor, Cheryl I dare you to wear these… 8/10

Louis Vuitton
Da-daaaaa! Finally, scoring top marks on the clog-o-meter is this witchy green clog-boot, well worthy of the Wicked Witch of the West. What’s not to hate? It’s a funny length, fashioned out of radioactive green logo-embossed denim, has a bizarre woolly moustache and costs about a million pounds. We have a winner! 10/10

Ok, pass the sick bucket…

New nudes


The ss10 press days are all but over and I’m still processing the information (tip: it’s all about bumbags and summer skins – leather, suede and er, fur). But my favourite mini-trend was found at the Bally press day. Creative Director, Brian Atwood has based the collection around neutral make-up tones. Imagine a perfect glossy carmine red lipstick from the Armani counter, a creamy stroke of caramel-hued Nars foundation, the sleekest flick of Dior black liquid eyeliner and Chanel’s already-iconic-and-it’s-not-even-out-yet Particuliere nail polish. Translate that lot into silky trench jackets, suede paper-bag bootees and patent D’orsay peep-toe heels and you have the Bally collection pretty much nailed.